Which one do you like the best?

You’ll enjoy watching this bootleg video from a 1992 concert that has John Denver singing a parody of the classic Tennessee Ernie Ford song”16 Tons” redone as “18 Holes.”

It’s a very funny song.

Just as he was about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could play with him.

Not being able to say no, he allowed the man to join him. To his surprise, the old man played fairly quickly. He didn’t hit the ball far, but plodded along and didn’t waste time.

Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree directly between his ball and the green.

After the young man spent several minutes debating how to hit the shot, the old man said, “You know, when I was your age, I’d hit the ball right over that tree.”

With that challenge before him, the youngster swung hard and hit the ball. It smacked solidly into the tree and dropped to the ground about one foot from where it originally lay.

The old man remarked, “Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only three feet tall.”

A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack! “Help me dear,” she groans to her husband.

The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt..
His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. “I’m dying here and you’re putting?”
“Don’t worry dear,” says the husband calmly, “they found a doctor on the second hole and he’s coming to help you.
“Well, how long will it take for him to get here?” she asks feebly.
“No time at all,” says her husband. “Everybody ‘s already agreed to let him play through.”

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A gushy reporter told Phil Mickelson, “You are spectacular, your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course. What’s your secret?”
Mickelson replied, “The holes are numbered.”

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A young man and a priest are playing together. At a short par-3 the priest asks, “What are you going to use on this hole, my son?”
The young man says, “An 8-iron, father. How about you?”
The priest says, “I ‘m going to hit a soft seven and pray.” The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.
The young man says, “I don’t know about you, father, but in my church, when we pray, we keep our head down.”

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Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5-iron standing over a lifeless man.
The detective asks, “Ma’am, is that your husband?”
“Yes” says the woman.
“Did you hit him with that golf club?”
“Yes, yes, I did.” The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her hands on her face.
“How many times did you hit him?”
“I don ‘t know — five, six, maybe seven times… just put me down for a five.”

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A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees he thought he could hit through.
Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.
As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, “Are you a good golfer?”
The man replied: “Got here in two, didn’t I?

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The bride was escorted down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.
She said: “What are your golf clubs doing here?”
He looked her right in the eye and said, “This isn’t going to take all day, is it?”

Enjoy it my friends!

Wife’s Diary Entry

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.

Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much.

I asked him what was wrong; He said, ‘Nothing.’

I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving.

I can’t explain his behavior I don’t know why he didn’t say, ‘I love you, too.’

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.

Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else.

He fell asleep; I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

Husband’s Diary Entry

A four putt… who the hell four putts?

Ed and Nancy met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her.

When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart, Ed was ecstatic.

He immediately started asking her out when they got home. Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Nancy to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums.

Ed became convinced that Nancy was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last.

On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Nancy to a fine restaurant.

While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said, “I guess you can tell I’m very much in love with you.

I’d like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage.

So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it’s only fair to warn you, I’m a total golf nut.

I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short… I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that’s going to be a problem for us, you’d better say so now!”

Nancy took a deep breath and responded, “Ed that certainly won’t be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we’re being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I’ve been a hooker.”

Ed said, “I bet it’s because you’re not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball.”

We’re not sure if they’re the Top 10 but they will bring a smile to your face… Shankapotamus

You were playing in the club championship tournament finals and the match was halved at the end of 17 holes.

You had the honor and hit your ball a modest two hundred fifty yards to the middle of the fairway, leaving a simple six iron to the pin.

Your opponent then hits his ball, lofting it deep into the woods to the right of the fairway. Being the golfing gentleman that you are, you help your opponent look for his ball.

Just before the permitted five minute search period ends, your opponent says: “Go ahead and hit your second shot and if I don’t find it in time, I’ll concede the match.”

You hit your ball, landing it on the green, stopping about ten feet from the pin.

About the time your ball comes to rest, you hear your opponent exclaim from deep in the woods: “I found it!”. The second sound you hear is a click, the sound of a club striking a ball and the ball comes sailing out of the woods and lands on the green, stopping no more than six inches from the hole.

Now the “What if” in this story……

What if you had your opponent’s ball in your pocket?

#10… A below par performance is considered damn good.
#09… You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.
#08… It’s much easier to find the sweet spot.
#07… Foursomes are encouraged.
#06… You can still make money doing it as a senior.
#05… Three times a day is possible.
#04… Your partner doesn’t hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.
#03… If you live in Florida , you can do it almost every day.
#02… You don’t have to cuddle with your partner when you’re finished.

And the NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex…..

#01… When your equipment gets old you can replace it!